Frustration

I need to vent.
What the heck did I do to anyone? I mean seriously? I have always been a girl that values time with her family and would prefer to be with her family than her friends. I mean, I grew up that way, I loved being with my gparents, loved being with my aunts and uncles and cousins and my parents and siblings... I never caused any problems with any of them. I never started any crap...HOWEVER it seems I seem to still be drug under for it. No I am not just whining and saying it to have something to say. I have noticed how my family is. And I dont like it. I hardly see any of my family anymore. Granted, things were alot better when MeMaw was around. But-it definitely started years ago. Everyone seemed to always want to leave their kids with me so they could run off and have fun, and everyone wanted help from me since I was reliable and I would do it to spend time with them. Oh but my wedding for instance-people thought they were going to tell me how it was going to be. Ya know...you would think I could have one day right? I have always wanted a big wedding and loved the thought of all my family being there. Even when the place we had originally chose caught fire and we were limited on places at that time-I said I will make the best of it...the most important thing is I am marrying someone that I love more than anything and I will have the people I love there. But people still tried to bring me down-You and your kids will have their time. And then its like my baby shower....family was saying they werent going to come because of whatever reasons-honestly I think for their own selfish whiney reasons. But still, it hurt me, I show up to everything because I care about everyone. I was so upset. But I said the most important thing for me is that my memaw gets to be there. And I do appreciate everyone who came and made the special effort (jason and kristen) But even some of the people that were there, were the ones starting the bs. I finally said look come or dont come, Im tired of begging. I shouldnt have to. I am not expecting a gift..well no, I am-the gift of their presence. My sons birthday people pull the same stuff-but I realized it had nothing really to do with me-it was that they were mad at someone else in their family or their mom was mad at someone else in the family and since that person might be there or because I even said HI to them in the past month that means they cant come. I have nothing to do with it. So why should my husband son and myself be treated like crap. There are some family members that I choose not to associate with because they seem to destroy people in their path, and dont make good decisions that I dont want to be drug into...but I dont take things out on the kids. I will still go to their birthday parties and so on. I understand people not being able to come to things or get together for honest reasons-but just because your pissed at someone else doesnt mean that it should effect me because I might have said hi to them...
It really does break my heart that I text a relative to see about getting together for the freaking 20th time in 6 months at least. And they have the nerve to tell me that they are SOOO busy but I find out that they dont ever do anything but stay home and watch tv. I am not asking you to come to my place or purchase anything I will come to you, I will make the effort-but COME ON-how much effort do I have to make. No ONE here makes any effort to hang out with us, or call us to see if we would like to get together. And that makes me wonder why the heck are we sticking around, when I was only sticking around for family. Why do I make the effort just to be told how busy you are...why should I say lets get together in the next year and you tell me that you dont have time and dont forsee yourself having anytime in the next year. And tell me why you feel the need to pass on your bs to your kids? I have very ill feelings about my stepsons mother-however I wouldnt feel right to say anything about it to my kids because that is their brother (regardless of the fact that he isnt around and doesnt want to be!) but I wouldnt until they were adults or old enough to understand the facts. I dont know, I guess its just me. Delvin says dont worry about it...but I guess you would just have to be me. I guess I would have spent a little more time developing better friendships so that at least Delvin and I could have people to go to dinner with and for me to have someone that my kids could look onto. We have a few friends-and feel lucky to have them. Now if you do not live in the dfw area-this does not pertain to you, and it doesnt pertain to my siblings nor my parents really. Its actually been nice that we have gotten alot closer to my older brother and sister in law...its nice to get an invite from them sometimes to do something and its nice to have my direct families help when we need it as far as packing, helping with Hunter if we need a night out and so on-just sad that I have done for everyone but its not mutual.
Sorry for whoever has read this. I just have a heavy heart and before I go off on someone I better let it out.